There was a ton of gossip in high school. As you would expect. It was in the classroom, outside of school, and around the basketball team. As annoying as it was, it was somewhat understandable because it was a high school. However, I have found that there is an equal amount of gossip in college basketball. It has occurred to me that gossip is not something that we grow out of. It’s in the workplace and I’ve heard my parents as well as other adult figures engage in this behavior. And, let’s be real; I’ve done it and you’ve done it too. Here are my top reasons why gossiping is a disgusting habit and should be avoided at all cost.
Number one: you never know who is listening. While in high school one day, I was sitting in a class and it was right at the end of the period. The teacher had finished early and was letting us talk until the bell rang. A kid who sat across the room was talking and started saying some pretty dirty stuff about another one of our teachers.
It was a seemingly safe and harmless situation except he hadn’t realized that at some point during the class, the principal had come in to do a teacher evaluation. It got worse.
Where everyone had been talking, the room felt completely silent except for this one person. And they were on a roll, too. They were talking fast and loud as if they were afraid of being interrupted before they finished their piece.
If they had been, it probably would have been for the better, because they only stopped after they turned around and saw the principal there. Awkward. They had to stay after class.
In another instance, I was in college and tempted to gossip about my roommate (who was on the basketball team) with some other guys who were on the team. I resisted the temptation though, and only later found out that one of the guys I was with was good friends with my roommate. They were from the same place and had played on the same AAU team together. Close one.
Back in high school, I was sitting in class and there was a girl sitting directly in front of me and one sitting two desks in front of me and one row to the left. I am friends with the one in front and to the left. The girl directly in front of me turns around to our group of friends and calls the other girl stupid, like straight up retarded. In a serious manner. WHILE THE OTHER GIRL WAS THERE. It’s not like it was a day that the other girl was gone or something. She probably heard her. Needless to say, that really pissed me off and ensured that the girl who said that would never get anything from me ever again.
Same class, I tried saying something about that girl who was in front of me. No response, which meant that they must have been cool with her. Shit... So, you can see that there many examples of this and you probably have just as many of your own. Always remember that you never know who is listening. The bridges burned, opportunities lost, and damage to your reputation isn’t worth it.
Piggybacking off of that point, the next is that your gossip will find the people you are gossiping about. If you don’t accidentally say it around them or around someone who tells them, then it will come out in other ways. It will manifest itself through your body language around them. What you say, how you say it, and how you act will all leak clues. You will do these unconsciously, too, so it’s not like you can hide it.
Another reason you don’t want to gossip is because of karma. What goes around comes around and the energy you put out is the energy you get back. Gossiping- talking bad about other people behind their backs- is obviously a negative energy, so why would you want to get yourself involved in it?
A fourth reason to kill this habit is because gossiping says more about you than it does about whoever you’re talking about. When you gossip, you unconsciously show people that you don’t respect, value, or have confidence in yourself. How so? Because why would someone with those qualities bother with bringing other people down? It doesn’t make sense. Someone with those qualities would be bringing other people up, and wouldn’t be concerned with something as trivial as drama.
Consider this; What we like most about other people is often what we like most about ourselves, and what we despise in other people is often what we despise most in ourselves (Taylor Allen, Elite Guard Training). Although there are exceptions to this, a lot of times it is true. If you are talking shit about someone else, check yourself, because odds are you are the one who doesn’t have their shit together in that area.
This is not so much a reason but rather an observation and a warning; people who gossip with you will gossip about you. I mean, think about it. If someone is willing to talk bad about someone else to you, they probably wouldn’t think twice about doing the same thing about you.
Think about yourself and the people you’ve gossiped with. Would you hesitate to gossip about them if given a ripe ‘ol opportunity? Honestly? Have you ever talked about one of your parents with the other parent? I’ve done it with both.
Even though this is more of a warning to you, it could also be a reason as well. Socially intelligent people who realize this will be able to notice it on the spot. Then, you may find them trying to avoid you, and for good reason.
So what do you do if someone tries to gossip with you? It’s guaranteed to happen from time to time. I’ve only been in college for nine weeks and it has happened to me multiple times. The first thing you can do is say something positive, or at least neutral about the person in question. This can be easier said than done depending on the subject. Sometimes, you may want to jump in but you must resist this urge.
Another thing you can do is divert the attention off of yourself. While they wait for you to join in, instead ask them a question and keep them talking. After all, that’s all they really wanted to do anyway. Finally, just change the subject whenever you get a chance. Also, if you have some really juicy stuff that you just must get out, something that I’ve found eases my impulse to gossip is writing it down. That way it’s out, but no one else knows. Whatever you do, just don’t be that guy who is still gossiping at (whatever age you are). "Poor minds talk about people. Average minds talk about events. Great minds talk about ideas." -Eleanor Roosevelt
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