After being in college for a while, I have discovered that my roommate has a terrible habit; he is either lazy or irresponsible, or both, which causes him to (try) to rely on me way too much. At first I was sympathetic and tried to help him out. However, it got repetitive, and I had to shut that down real quick. Nonetheless, a big thanks goes to him for sparking the idea for this post. Here are an assortment of reasons why you don’t want to rely on other people.
The first one is pretty basic; other people are unreliable. Everyone you come into contact with is looking out for themselves first and foremost and always has their own best interest in mind. If you are relying on them to do something but their best interests change, then then they aren’t going to do it, even if they said they would. If this requires screwing you over, then they generally won’t think twice about it.
Relying on other people is also a bad habit. Remember when you were a kid and you wanted your parents to do everything for you? Until a certain age, they probably did. However, past that certain age, they had to wean you off of their help. This is because they knew that if they continued to help you, you would end up habitually wanting them to come to the rescue. Plus, your parents knew they wouldn’t always be around. By forcing you to figure some things out on your own, they ensured that you wouldn’t be handicapped later in life.
Speaking of being handicapped- overreliance on external factors will lead to a feeling of helplessness, if not literal helplessness. When you need other people, you have no power. No power can lead to feelings of hopelessness. It’s a vicious downward spiral that could be prevented if you just take some responsibility. If you don’t take responsibility, then this type of thinking will ultimately lead to a victimhood mentality.
If you develop the type of mindset described above, then you will most definitely become an energy-draining individual. The concept of an energy-draining person is an idea that comes from Dre Baldwin, founder of Work on Your Game. He has an entire episode of his podcast describing these people which I will link to at the bottom of this page.
The basic idea is someone who nobody wants to be around. That person who walks in the room to the tune of synchronized internal groans of everyone present. The guy or girl that makes your stress levels go up just by seeing their face or hearing their voice. I know you’re thinking of someone right now. You don’t want to become that person but you will if you rely on other people too much.
Finally, after all of the above takes place, one final result is accrued; your reputation is damaged. If you do anything often enough, then it will become part of your personality; part of your character. This could be good or bad depending on the trait in question. However, one thing is certain: having a favorable reputation is critical. In one of my favorite books, The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene even dedicates an entire chapter to the subject: Law 5: So Much Depends on Reputation- Guard It with Your Life. You cannot afford to have ‘over reliant,’ ‘helpless,’ or ‘victim’ as a part of your reputation.
With all of that said, you are going to have to rely on other people at some points in your life and in certain areas in your life. Relying on other people in the form of delegation is smart and no one is completely self-sufficient. However, you don’t want to get to the point where it becomes a habit or a cancerous part of who you are.
Work on Your Game Podcast #10: Energy Draining People:
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